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I would like to address the rumours circulating in this household.

Yes, that is me. Yes, that is the milk. But I want everyone to understand the full context, which nobody in my family has been willing to consider, because they were too busy going "MISA. MISA. DROP IT." across the entire garden like a pair of hysterical people.

Here are the facts. The carton was on a counter. A counter is simply a high floor. I did not open the carton so much as the carton yielded. And critically — and I cannot stress this enough — nobody had fed me for over an hour. In that light I think what I did was less "stealing" and more "foraging," which is a beautiful and ancient tradition.

Daddy said the milk was "for coffee." I have never once been offered coffee. So who, really, is the thief here.

✎ UPDATE: I have been told that I am "not in trouble," but I am also "not getting any more milk," which is the exact punishment I would have received if I were in trouble. Curious.