MY MOTHER IS GETTING MARRIED & I HAVE TRIED ON THE VEIL
Enormous news in this household. My mother is getting married.
There has been a great deal of activity. Fabric has been discussed. People keep arriving and looking at things and saying "ohhh" in a particular voice. And at some point in all of this, somebody put a veil on my head.
I want to be precise about what happened, because I think the record matters. I did not ask for the veil. I did not consent to the veil. But nor did I remove the veil, because I am not an animal, and also because I could tell from the noises everybody was making that I looked incredible.
Now. Nobody has actually confirmed that I am the bride. But — and I want you to follow my reasoning here — nobody has denied it either. I have worn the veil. I have been photographed in the veil. In many cultures that is the entire ceremony.
My questions, which remain unanswered:
- Is there going to be food at this thing
- Is there a plate for me at this thing
- Is there cake, and if so, whose
- Am I walking anybody down anything
- Has the poodle been given a role, because if the poodle has been given a role and I have not, I will be raising it
I support this marriage completely and I am extremely happy for my mother. My support is conditional on cake. I don't think that's unreasonable. I think that's just clear communication.